This is all a joke, made up and therefore should not be read by anyone.
Roy Hodgson today announced his first England squad since taking over from Fabio Capello, and there was some surprising inclusions and omissions from the 23 young men charged with leading the country to Euro 2012 glory in Poland and Ukraine this summer.
Many fans have taken to social networks to express their discomfort that former Sunderland men Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson, both now at Liverpool have been included in the squad (Henderson on standby) which was named this lunchtime, not least some Sunderland players who were expected to be aboard the plane...
Defensively, Wor Woy has caused a stir by selecting Glen Johnson ahead of Micah Richards, whilst also leaving out former captain Rio Ferdinand. Another player gutted to be missing out was Sunderland's Titus Bramble, who spoke of his disappointment today;
I'm really disappointed to be missing out on representing my country this summer. I already canceled my holiday to Los Angeles after hearing through the grapevine that Joleon Lescott was included, so I thought any of us have a chance. The worst thing is the holiday was non-refundable, and now I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands. Nobody wants that.
A recently revitalised Matt Kilgallon also expressed his disappointment at missing out. The former Sheffield United and Leeds United defender has risen from nowhere to become part of the first team picture at the Stadium Of Light since the turn of the year.
I thought I'd done enough, I really did. I mean, have you ever seen John Terry do a Rabona? Didn't think so, he can barely go ten minutes without falling on his arse. I'm on an unstoppable rise at the moment, and England glory this summer was the next logical step. I might have to consider my future now.
Midfielders Lee Cattermole and Jack Colback were also desperately unlucky to miss out, with Hodgson choosing to go with Gareth Barry and Scott Parker instead in the middle of the park. Cattermole even traveled to Wembley today to meet with Hodgson as he wanted to thank him for his call up. In a nearby car park he told the press;
I'm not happy. Not happy at all. I've just got to pick myself up and deal with it though. He's paid to make the decisions. [Patting the bonnet of a car marked ROY 1] I'm determined to make him regret this one.
Colback meanwhile, usually a quite quiet type and not one to make mischief was more subdued in his reaction to the news he'd missed out on the squad.
People have compared me to Paul Scholes, so I thought what with Roy's age, he might pick me by accident. Scholsey is a great player, but he's not in the squad either, so I can't even pretend to be him.
Fraizer Campbell, who was recently capped whilst Stuart Pearce was interim manager was more disappointed for his fellow teammates than himself, who had an outside chance of a call up. He told reporters by phone;
Gutted for the lads, although it's also disappointing for me personally. I had high hopes they'd all be there as there'd be more room for me and D-Meylz at Nandos over the summer. I'm only 3 stamps away from a free peri-peri half-chicken too. That's gonna have to wait a little longer now.
More reaction is no doubt going to come in during the next few days, while fans and the press alike bicker over whether Hodgson made the right calls this summer, and whether or not Harry Redknapp would have done the same or not and such until we all spontaneously combust out of sheer boredom.