Roker Rhymes, your weekly bit of culture. Sort of anyway.
Time for a Roker Rhymes, which can only mean one thing, yep, we lost again at the weekend, and I get to tell you all about in through some poorly thought out rhyming couplets.
Now, I feel I should apologise in advance, it's been a long, long weekend, and I was getting a bit sleepy throughout the game, but I'll see what I can do with the facts available, yeah?
I was so bloody tired on Sunday, in a hungover and miserable state,
Which wasn't at all improved, when Bruce's team left the game on a plate.
It was all about trying no to lose, instead of going for a win,
And frankly it all went t!ts up, only twenty eight seconds in.
I really hoped I was dreaming, and that I'd drifted off... but,
There really was no denying, the ball had left Van Persie's foot.
As we just stood around and watched him, calmly hammer the ball in the net,
An we all sat around and wondered, which excuse ol Brucey hadn't used yet.
It's getting increasingly difficult, to not point the finger of blame,
At our media-friendly manager, as we lose yet another game.
Yes it would always be a tough one, and we didn't really expect to win it,
But would it kill him to play a striker, when both are stuck on the bench fit?
'Cattermole should have scored that header', he said - passing the buck with glee,
But would Wickham have scored that chance do you think? Surely, it can't be just me...
'We're going to go and attack them', Bruce proclaimed like a football hero,
But we were doomed from before the first whistle, thanks to the formation, four-six-zero.
'You don't deserve to be in the top ten you bellends', is how his statements come across each week,
As we look at the Premier League table, and realise our situation is bleak.
He's smashing our love for the club now, as we chuckle at Twitter's Bruce Blames...
But tears are running down our faces, thanks to four wins in twenty two games.
'But we've only played badly once this season', another gem from the Bruce bag of tricks,
How will we ever get better, if he doesn't think there's a problem to fix?
We don't expect to get even a draw now, and defeats are becoming the norm,
It's no-longer obscene to suggest, that we're playing in relegation form.
Yes Seb scored a beauty on Sunday, it was a truly splendid free kick,
So the fact that we threw it away, makes me all that little bit more sick.
We were devoid of discipline in the second half, as we conceded foul after foul,
Which was always a dangerous tactic, with Robin Van Persie on the prowl.
So we left the capital with nothing, no points of which to speak,
And we now have a 'massive game', to play at Bolton next week.
Which is becoming something of a trend for us, these very important affairs,
And it seems our best chance of a victory, might be hoping, superstition and prayers.
I'm sorry to be so negative, but all my happiness got thrown in the bin,
As I can't remember the last time, that I saw us actually win.
Well, okay that's not true, I actually saw our game against Stoke,
But all of my hope and optimism, is being stolen by this Brucey bloke.
So I'll cross my fingers and toes, as we head to the Reebok next Sat,
And still get behind our manager, despite all the b*llshit and that.
Even though the other Roker lads, would suggest I deserve a ban,
For admittingly last week on the internet, that I'm actually (partly) a Barnsley fan!